Q: I like [the] phrasing of landing on things – for me the two today were the phrase “moving towards an all-the-time mind.” I’m so pleased that after the years of practice with not one but two mindfulness bells I feel as if that is within reach. I’m noticing the benefits every time I get back to the present moment, and can generate gladness that I’ve just been kind to myself. The second is to finally get what you’ve mentioned before as a thread running through my life, and review the many many decisions I’ve made, successful or not (oh boy, some of them are embarrassing to recall…) as being a consistent effort towards being, in these terms I like so much, wiser and more skillful.

A: These are wonderful reflections. The edifying practice of the return to mindfulness is one of those so simple and so profound aspects of practice. It seems unspectacular from one perspective, in day to day life to return to the present, and then such a gift at the same time. I’m glad that the “thread running through life” concept appealed as well- turns out to be a good practice for self-compassion. And yes, I think our mutual teacher has given us quite the gift in engendering a love of the terms, and seeing the truth of the value of wisdom and skillfulness. Thank you! 🙏

Q: I thoroughly enjoyed this first session. I landed on a number of things. The one I’m contemplating most is that if we allow lying then we open up to lying to ourselves. And this can disrupt our intention for well-being (ours and others) you said. I had not thought of it this way before. I also like very much your response to [the] question about how you learned the benefit of posing a question when someone asks for her opinion. Rather than tell a white lie to save their feelings, we can create space for contemplation. I’d like to learn to do this. And I’d like to learn how to use truth, in a way to help support those feelings rather than tell a white lie. So much value here to ponder in practice and in life.

A: Thanks so much for this very thoughtful feedback and commentary. This practice of truth-telling has had such a profound influence on my practice, and I’m very grateful to hear that it has touched a chord in your practice as well. As we bear witness to the subtlety of our minds, it seems to become clearer and clearer that the quest for well-being is a simultaneous quest for truth.

Q: This was a really great tuneup for my practice. I really appreciated all of the little nuggets and suggestions. The thing that struck me the most this time was the way that I still indulge in gossip and talking trash at work. I often have re-committed to the intention of changing that, and it sticks for a while , but then at work it’s so easy to be angry at people. Thank you for reminding me to be better!

A: What a fantastic example! As the course implies, the mind is so tricky like that! I very much appreciate your wise recognition and sharing- may it be a benefit to many!

Q: I found the perspective on lies very interesting. I find it difficult to avoid “white” lies when I know that I am only trying to spare someone’s feelings. Is this wrong or are you talking about the “white” lies we tell ourselves in order to avoid feeling bad about something, or is it both?

A: That’s an excellent question. The short answer is both, and your question really gets to the heart of the practice in a way. The way I’ve been taught on this issue, is that by using ingenuity it is possible to remain truthful while sparing people’s feelings as much as possible. An example of this would be to perhaps, if a friend asks a question that you fear they might not like your unvarnished opinion about, you can pose your own question in response. This has the added benefit of letting them reflect on something that may need more attention, and allows you to be compassionate and truthful, while hopefully sparing their feelings. In some instances, when someone asks for our opinion, there may be more space for reflection than we originally thought- we might be able to say, for instance, that we’d like to give the idea more thought before answering. There is also the notion that, since we can’t control other people’s feelings, it’s not always possible to spare them. In the tenet of right speech we endeavor to avoid harsh and divisive speech, but there are actually exceptions for this. For example, if someone is in an abusive relationship, using divisive speech can be ok if it helps get someone to safety. Or, sometimes we might speak in a way that sounds harsh to a child to keep them from, say, running into a busy street. In general, you point to a very tricky part of the practice, and it certainly doesn’t always work. But then, when we’ve had this experience we can use it for reflection, asking how we might use speech more skillfully next time. While we remain alert to these things, it’s important to also be patient with ourselves and remember that the internal and external practices ultimately strengthen each other. I greatly appreciate your participation.